I grew up in New Jersey—America's melting pot. I'm very thankful of that for many reasons, but since this is about international adoption I'll talk about what's relevant.
I was an (mixed) Asian child growing up in a Caucasian family. I was adopted. And shy. Adopted or not, when you're a kid you don't want to be "different". You don't want to be looked at funny or feel left out. I'm not referring to the teenage years, but younger: kindergarten, first, second and third grades. Feeling like you belong is so important growing up. And when you're adopted it's extra important– not just in your family, but in society as well.
I belonged with my family. No question there. I was the special one: the youngest and the only girl. My mom couldn't be happier to finally have a daughter ;) and my brothers were so proud of their little sister! (Side story: my one brother was so excited, when I was a baby he actually brought me in to school for "show and tell". hilarious!).
But what about our town and community? The beautiful thing about New Jersey is that it's full of different cultures, races and religions. I wasn't the token minority and I didn't feel "different" from everyone else. Quite the contrary, I was the same, we were all the same—the same in that we were all different. I felt like I belonged because I wasn't singled out. Looking back, I don't think I could have asked for a better environment to grow up in and become the person I am now.
Note: I realize this is what worked for me. I could have been just as happy and turned out fine if I was raised in hundreds of other scenarios. And if we don't raise our daughter the same way, I'm sure she'll turn out fine too. :) I'm only commenting on my own experiences and reflections.
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I think about where we will raise our family. This is an issue that is top of mind for me. I look for the same things — diversity and culture. I want my daughter to grow up feeling secure and confidant. She should be proud of who she is and her nationality, and I want her to grow up in an area where she can be. Being adopted has its own challenges, and being "different" (racially or otherwise) than everyone else can potentially compound it.
Maybe I put too much emphasis on this issue. But if so it's only because of two things: 1) I see the positive value of growing up in an environment that welcomes everyone for who they are and 2) I've experienced the racial-factor first hand. The older I get and more people I meet, I am sometimes caught off-guard about how provincial people can be. I don't want to judge or blame them, because maybe they haven't experienced other cultures and races. Who knows.
(Side story: When I lived in Colorado, a colleague of mine once said she had "never seen a black person in person before she moved to Denver." What?! I'm thinking a) is that even possible (!) and b) did she really just say that!? She didn't mean anything by it, so you have to laugh it off, but that's what I mean when I say "caught off guard"! haha! My response: "Wow, I must be a real novelty for you then!")
I know people who think I'm hyper-sensitive when it comes to this... but those people aren't minorities. When you walk in my shoes, then you can tell me that. Even today, in 2007, in the very diverse culture that I live in (nyc), people still comment on my ethnicity —both good and bad, sometimes innocently and sometimes not. Stereotypes and prejudice are part of our culture, and it's the unfortunate truth. It's just something to be aware of. I know I can't shield her from it forever, but for many reasons I hope to raise her in a community that can offer cultural diversity and acceptance.
